Sunday, September 29, 2013

Toku Rant I: The Boukengers are Jerks

Ah, Boukenger, one of the most overrated sentai series ever. Where do I begin:

1. There are too many mecha, and they are all BOOORING. I mean, in Gaoranger, we had a lot of mecha, but each mecha combination in Gaoranger was different and they had personality.

2. Way too many villains.

3. The alum cameos do nothing for the children watching the show. In Gokaiger, the former sentai warriors appeared, showing that super sentai is a series that has been going on for a long time, and that no matter how old you are, you can still fight and be a superhero. The children knew "hey, that guy who is my dad's age played OhRed. That's really cool." I guess the alum cameos in Boukenger are supposed to be a wink to the older fans, but first off, they are too subtle. You can't recognize the sentai actors--especially GaoBlue, considering his was a dragon abomination most of the time. Secondly, Super Sentai airs at 7:30 on Sunday morning. Kids are fine waking up early to watch their favorite show, but teenagers and adults want to sleep in.

4. The monster designs are supposed to be another "subtle" wink, as they are supposed to be homages to sentai mecha. But I can't tell that clusterf!ck monster A is a tribute to BioRobo. And the kids aren't obviously going to get it.

5. Gaoranger vs. Super Sentai>Boukenger vs. Super Sentai. I mean, in Gaoranger vs. Super Sentai, they got some recent actors, all who played lovable character who you'd want to see again (gentle giant Gouki, spunky cell phone addict Miku, and hellfire calcium-obsessed Daimon) and then they get Red F!cking Falcon, who does this amazing scene with GaoYellow, and BIG ONE who is in his 60s, and still kicks ass, and somehow gets cooler and likeable because he's older. Boukenger didn't even dig deep enough, and only got recent actors. Granted, AbareBlack is cool, but still.

6. The forced Red/Pink romance. I hate BoukenPink. The actress is okay, I don't hate her. I hate the character. She is a Mary Sue. And looking back at all of the female sentai characters, she is the only one I could think of that is a Mary Sue. She's a perfect fighter, she's the subleader of the team, she's smart, and every guy on the team wants to bang her, and she gets red in the end. It's so forced and thrown in. Most of you guys know I hate Red and Pink shipping (because it's lazy, amongst other reasons), and it's like the writers wanted to give me the middle finger before I even got into sentai (although I doubt they know me). So yeah, let's throw it in last minute. BoukenPink is soooo perfect but she has one flaw: she loves red. But he doesn't notice. Gollie Jee Wilickers! What's a girl to do?

But no, those all pale in comparison to this realization I had:

So, originally it was Satoru, Souta, and Sakura who were on the team. Then they hire Masumi and Natsuki. Now, I can understand Masumi, I mean, he's a treasure thief or whatever, but Natsuki. I know Masumi found Natsuki who was trapped under a rock or something, but she has no skills.

In fact, Natsuki shouldn't be on the team. She should be in a hospital, for rehabilitation as she's been unconscious for 3000 or so years! You know how when astronauts come back to earth, they need to do some physical therapy because they are adjusting to the increase in gravity, well, what Natsuki endured is more than a few years in zero gravity. She should be undergoing the process the Timerangers went through in the first episode of Time Ranger, when they had to watch 20th history really fast and absorb it all in before travelling to the past.

And because Natsuki didn't get any help, she is a trainwreck. And that's when I realized the real reason she was on the team: so they could feel better about themselves. And so they could look good in comparison to her. And that just makes them even more horrible people. Natsuki has nothing to offer the team despite the fact she gets random psychic visions sometimes--but she shouldn't be fighting. Satoru is all like "she has the soul of an adventurer" or something in the first episode--no, she doesn't, Satoru is really saying "hey, if we screw up, at least we aren't like her." At least she's a scapegoat.

And because of that, the Boukengers are horrible people.